Posted by: Mommy
As I get the kids tucked into bed my mind can’t help but think of what we were doing two years ago tonight. I have been thinking a lot about it for the last week now. Two years ago at the exact time we were sitting in the ER at Harrison County Hospital. My son who just turned 4 a little over a month before was sick. Earlier in the day I took him to the doctor for what I thought was a cold, maybe the flu at worse. We were sent for a blood test and were told to go home they would call us the next day with the results. It didn’t take until the next day, but only a little over an hour. Go to the hospital now, they said, something needs to be done tonight. This time two years ago we sit in a small room just dividing rooms with curtains, watching my 4 year old scared to death getting IVs put in his small arms, waiting for the ambulance to take us to Kosair. I never once thought my child could have cancer. Not until we were at Kosair and the doctors told me the bad news. For the next couple days it still felt unreal. This is not how it happens, people have to go through weeks of tests before they find cancer, not a couple of hours and you know. I was so scared, but could not show a single tear, I had to be brave for that little boy. I couldn’t let him see his mommy cry he was scared enough. I am still not sure how I did it.
I am not sure why this year it is bothering me so much more than last year. Maybe because we are so much closer to the end of treatment, we have an end in sight now and it just doesn’t seem real yet. Just thinking what will it is like not having to go to the doctor at least once a month. What is it like having your child get a small fever and not having to rush to the hospital? It just doesn’t seem real. You get so used to all the doctors and treatments, you are like a machine, you do what has to be done. You do what it takes to get your child better.
I just can’t help but think what CJ has been through these last two years. He has been through more pain, more treatments, and more doctors than most people have to go through in a life time. This now six year old boy has had to grow up so fast these last two years. He has had to learn that just because you don’t want to do something doesn’t mean you don’t have too. He has had to learn that life is not fair. Some other kids get to do things he just can’t, he can’t even go swimming in the lake or playing in the sand because it might make him sick. These lessons that some adults still haven’t learned, this six year old has accepted. He knows more about the body and how it works than a lot of adults. He might only aged two years much has matured so many more.
One more year to go before monthly chemo is over. One more year until he doesn’t have to take medicine every single day. One more year and he can be more like a normal child. One more year until we don’t have to spend thousands of dollars every year on doctors. One more year and we start our new normal again.
As for his treatment he is doing great. He is right where the doctors want him to be. We even spend less time than most cancer patients in the hospital. From the outside CJ is a normal kid. He goes to kindergarten; he plays t-ball in summer league, he likes sports and playing with his friends. From the outside most people would never know he has this condition. He looks nothing like the sick little boy that we took to the doctor two years ago. This six year old boy already says he wants to be a doctor when he grows up so he can help kids like him who have to have chemo. Two years down, and one more to go we are starting the count down now there is a light at the end of this long tunnel.
